The first recorded instance of abuse was in the bible when Cain killed his brother Abel out of jealousy.
An abuser can be anyone, as evidenced from the Bible. Abusers are in every culture, ethnic group, and nationality in the world, there are both male, and female abusers, but most perpetrators of abuse are male.
“Now Cain said… let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Genesis 4:8
I’ve found five predominant traits of an abuser. I’m sure there are many more but these five come readily to mind regarding most abusers.
They are charismatic/charming, there’s a certain attractive quality about them. They are extremely polite, and even delightful to be around. One would say “ he’s a charmer” or Mr./Ms. Personality”.
Most often they are physically attractive, although there are some who are not so attractive, but for the most part they are attractive looking, or have some quality about them that’s appealing.
Most people can’t believe that the person is an abuser they can’t see beyond the his/her fascinating personality.
In fact in some instances, children, even though they may actually see the abuse, believe that somehow you the victim was the cause of the abuse, why else would such a sweet person do what he/she does? They miss the whole point of abuse-Power and Control.
We normally look at the outward appearance of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart of a person (I Samuel 16:7).
An abuser can be extremely hateful and jealous of his/her love relationships. Usually they have an unhealthy, unfounded suspicion of their spouse/or friend.
Most abusers whether male of female can be controlling in their behavior; they must have the upper hand, dominance, rule in their affairs with their loved ones.
Most abusers can be very deceptive, dishonesty, and full of guile they somehow manage to juggle situations, people and circumstances to their benefit. They are convincing impostors.
A Proud Heart
Most abusers are proud, arrogant, and egotistical they have an unrepentant spirit about abuse, and most things. They believe what they have done was to keep things in control for your good. They may cry, and plead even ask for your forgiveness, but it is not sincere, for soon the slander and abuse starts all over again.
Here of Some Characteristics of Abusers
They men/women may track you and your whereabouts-mileage, phone calls, social media, etc.
They may try to control your money. If they are the chief bread winner they keep the money
When angry destroys property
Blames you for his outbursts
May have a poor self-image
May have a history of family violence
May be unfaithful in marital relationship
May have alcohol/drug addiction
May have gambling addiction
Most abusers like to rush into a relationship
Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde syndrome
If you have found some of these traits or characteristics constantly being displayed in your relationship it’s time to get help as soon as possible.
Spiritually: First of all pray and ask the Lord to show you how to handle the situation that you’re currently in. Ask the Lord to give you divine strategies in the situation.
Naturally: If your significant other is physically violent take tangible steps to get help as soon as possible, and remove yourself from harms way. Remember faith without doing something to help yourself is useless.
If the situation is violent, and children are involved Please call for Emergency Help 911; National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800 799-7233 (SAFE) 1 800 787-3224 (TDD)