Abusers Traits and Characteristics

Abusers Traits

The first recorded instance of abuse was in the bible when Cain killed his brother Abel out of jealousy.

 An abuser  can be anyone, as evidenced from the Bible.  Abusers  are  in  every culture,  ethnic group, and nationality in the world, there  are both male, and female abusers, but most  perpetrators of abuse are male.

“Now Cain said… let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Genesis 4:8

I’ve found  five  predominant traits  of an abuser. I’m sure there are  many more but these five come readily to mind regarding  most abusers.


They  are  charismatic/charming,  there’s a certain attractive quality about them.  They are extremely  polite,  and  even  delightful  to be around. One would say “ he’s  a charmer” or Mr./Ms. Personality”.

Most often they are physically attractive, although there are some  who are not so attractive, but  for the most part they are attractive looking, or have  some quality about them that’s  appealing.

Most people can’t believe  that  the person is an abuser they can’t  see beyond the his/her fascinating personality.

In fact  in some instances, children, even though they may actually see the abuse, believe  that somehow you the victim  was the cause of the abuse, why else would  such a sweet person do what he/she does?   They miss the whole point  of  abuse-Power and Control.

We normally look at the outward appearance of a person, but the Lord looks at the heart of a person (I Samuel 16:7).


An  abuser  can be extremely hateful and  jealous of  his/her love relationships. Usually they have an unhealthy, unfounded suspicion of their spouse/or friend.


Most abusers whether male of female can be controlling in their behavior;  they must have the upper hand, dominance, rule in their affairs with their loved ones.


Most abusers can be very deceptive, dishonesty, and full of guile they  somehow  manage to juggle situations, people and circumstances to their benefit. They are  convincing  impostors.

 A Proud Heart

Most abusers are proud, arrogant, and egotistical   they have an unrepentant spirit  about abuse, and most things. They  believe what they have done was to keep things in control for your good.  They may  cry, and plead even  ask for your forgiveness, but  it is not  sincere, for  soon the  slander and abuse starts all over again.

Here of  Some Characteristics of Abusers

 They  men/women may track you and your whereabouts-mileage, phone calls, social media, etc.

They may try to control your money. If they are the chief bread winner they keep the money

When angry destroys property

Threaten you

Physical abusive

Emotionally abusive

Psychological  abusive

Blames you for his outbursts

May have a poor self-image

May have a history of family violence

Verbally abusive

May be unfaithful in marital relationship

May have alcohol/drug addiction

May have gambling addiction

Most abusers like to rush into a relationship

Humiliates you

Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde syndrome

If you have found some of these traits or characteristics constantly being displayed  in your relationship it’s time to  get help as soon as possible.

Spiritually:   First of all pray and ask the Lord to show you how to handle the situation that you’re  currently  in.   Ask the Lord to give you divine strategies in the situation.

Naturally: If your significant other is physically violent  take tangible steps to get help as soon as possible, and remove yourself from harms way.  Remember faith without doing something to help yourself is useless.

If the situation is  violent, and children are involved  Please call for Emergency Help 911; National Domestic Violence  Hotline 1 800 799-7233 (SAFE) 1 800 787-3224 (TDD)


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